Magandang Buhay tackles the causes and solutions to various forms abuse in a relationship

This episode of Magandang Buhay The Podcast features another edition of “Dear Momshie Serye” wherein three letter senders open up about the different forms of abuse they experienced in their respective relationships. With the help of guest psychologist Tofi De Jesus, the momshies dive deep into these situations.

The first letter sender introduced herself as Claire, saying she cannot let go of her physically abusive partner due to a debt of gratitude. And it’s true for many who stay in a toxic relationship because they keep to heart the good deeds they received or the beautiful memories that no longer exist.

From the point of view of a psychologist, physical abuse is caused by an unresolved issue or problem on the abusive partner’s end. “Kailangan natin mahanap kung ano ang puno’t dulo. Kasi minsan umaabot tayo sa ganitong uri ng behavior dahil hindi na natin ma-hold on sa ating sarili ‘yung ating mga pinagdadaanan,” said Sir Tofi. He went on to explain the theory called "Aggression-Frustration Hypothesis," which implies that frustrations can trigger a person’s aggressiveness. Does your partner manifest this behavior? Find out more in the podcast.

Sir Tofi further tackled the possible reasons a woman stays in a toxic relationship such as poor self-esteem and the belief that she can fix the bad guy’s behavior. “Pero ito kasi ang nagiging problem, when people get attracted because they have opposite characteristics, the relationship will not last unless someone really changes. Kasi ang stability ng relasyon, nade-determine sa similarity, hindi sa differences.”

Since relationships aren’t supposed to be disposable, Sir Tofi pressed that the best solution to Claire’s dilemma is to talk it out first using the O-R-A or Observe-Reflect-Ask method and then find a mediator.

Abuse doesn’t just happen physically, as in the case of the second letter-sender named Maya, who suffers from her husband’s economic abuse due to his gambling addiction. Here, Sir Tofi underscored that it is the husband who requires healing from his gambling disorder and must understand that his actions affect the whole family and his other relationships as well. Tune in to the podcast as Sir Tofi discussed what counts as financial abuse, which many do not realize can be present even during the dating stage.

A young adult named Abi sent in her story about getting stuck in an unhealthy relationship. She said her boyfriend’s jealous tendencies have gone overboard and that he threatens to harm himself whenever she initiates a breakup. She feels as if there’s no way out. According to Sir Tofi, Abi feels stuck due to guilt. He, therefore, reminds people in a relationship not to blame themselves for their partner’s self-harming behavior. Sir Tofi further offered a specific solution to Abi’s problem, so if you’re in a similar situation, find the answers in the podcast.

Watch out for more meaningful conversations in Magandang Buhay The Podcast hosted by Regine Velasquez, Jolina Magdangal, and Melai Cantiveros.